- Everyone does it, and if they say they don't they're lying. It's a sacred thing. - Britney Spears
- I never did like working out - it bears the same relationship to real sport as masturbation does to real sex. - David Lodge
- I was an altar boy, a spokesperson for the Virgin Mary, I was a choir boy but then at the age of 14 I discovered masturbation and all that went out the window. - Guillermo del Toro
- Masturbation is our first and natural form of sexual activity and if that's inhibited or damaged, then we suffer for the rest of our lives. - Betty Dodson
- Masturbation is sex with someone you love - Woody Allen
- Masturbation means never having to say your sorry. - Anonymous
- Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself. - Anonymous [really love to met that guy, a real pearl of wisdom]
- The good thing about masturbation is that you don't have to get dressed up for it. - Truman Capote
- The problem of being an Atheist is that you got no one to talk to during orgasm
- The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity. - Patrick Murray [leisure activity and popular waste of time]
- We all have our individual romantic or idealistic ideas. To get information that masturbation is our basic form of sex is hard, because who wants to admit they're masturbating? - Betty Dodson
- We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. - Lily Tomlin
- Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and I need a name to go with the face. [Does that one work?]
- The difference between a husband and a vibrator? You can't programme a vibrator to mow the lawn.
- If you have sex with your Siamese twin is it masturbation or incest?
- I'm trying to give up my two worst habits at the moment smoking and masturbation, but I'm really struggling as I'm a 20-a-day man, and I smoke like a chimney!